Every year my office puts on an Etiquette Dinner for the students of the University (JMC, JCGS, and JCHP) and every year I have to relearn all the basics…which fork where, who says what to whom, and what should and should not be done in the context of a business meal. For some reason it’s not like riding a bike. Some of the rules of etiquette are so obscure, and practiced so infrequently, that it’s back to square one every year.

There is a protocol for everything, even something as simple as a handshake. Image Consultant Jane Wilger believes that professional success can be determined by your first handshake. She states, “Men and women should shake hands with each other the same way as woman-to-woman or man-to-man. Offer your hand turned at a 90-degree angle to the floor and don’t hold just the fingers or try to crush the other person’s hand with an iron grip.”

That is a lot to remember just to shake someone’s hand--a lot of pressure too!

Understanding the rules of etiquette and protocol gives us an upper hand in the world of work. These are the guidelines that allow us to avoid embarrassment and allow us to feel more comfortable in a variety of situations.

A few basics from Jane Wilger and “Your Work, Your Money”:

Dining

“Your napkin should go into your lap within the first ten seconds of sitting down,” says Wilger. And once in your lap, the napkin should never again be placed on the table until everyone leaves at the end of the meal. If you need to stand or leave the table during the meal, the napkin should be left on your chair.

Wilger says she is often asked what to do if something is stuck in your teeth. “The rule is that it should come out the same way it went in.” If it went in by hand, such as grape stones, olive pits or bits of nutshell, it goes out by hand. If it went on a spoon, such as something in a soup, it should come out by spoon. An exception to this rule are small clean things such as fish bones, which likely went in on a fork, but can be removed by hand. Wilger also notes it is best to be as discreet as possible. Trying too hard to cover up what you’re doing by hiding behind your napkin actually draws more attention to the process than if you try to quietly remove the problem food.

Small Talk

“The purpose of small talk is to find something in common and create a bond,” says Wilger. “The best way to do this is to ask people questions. Trying to be witty is less important than being observant and asking good questions.” Wilger does not feel politics and religion need to be avoided as topics, as long as no blanket attacks are made, especially if you know the person you’re talking with has similar interests. “And never swear. People get into a social situation and they let their guard down. People are still often perceived as less intelligent if you have to swear to make your point.”

Just a reminder to the Class of 2004: The Etiquette Dinner is October 27th, from 6 pm – 8 pm at Ristorante La Buca. You may register for this event at the Activities Office. Download the invitation.

If you have an etiquette question, e-mail it to me at david.westhart@jefferson.edu and I will answer it.